If you search successful marriage or happy marriage in Google you will get pages and pages of tips and tricks to make your relationship better. While some of the information is helpful, it can be overwhelming trying to make sure you kiss every day, have date nights, communicate effectively, manage your anger, etc. While it is smart to try these tips and see what is best suited for your relationship, there is one thing you should know and remember throughout your marriage.
Marriage is continuous work.
This may not be the mind blowing epiphany that you thought but it is one thing often overlooked when dealing with marital issues. Couples are often expecting a time where the relationship will be easy sailing and that may not ever happen. Here are some times when you will need to work but may not realize it.
- You have gotten into a comfortable groove and life seems to be going smoothly. You may need to do a check in with your partner and yourself. A lot of time couples are able to manage the household beautifully but forget to invest in the intimate areas of the relationship.
- How have you expressed love recently to your partner? If you have been doing he standard pecks on the lips, conversations about your day and sex twice a week you may be missing opportunities to really connect with your spouse. Make sure you are staying aware of their love languages so they feel the love you are expressing.
- One person in the relationship may be struggling emotionally and the other person will need to carry the load for a bit. Illness, death of parent or child, affair, job loss are all reasons people check out of the relationship. This may be temporary but this call for the other person in the relationship to step up and take on more responsibility until the other person has checked back in. (Schedule a FREE consultation if you are concerned your partner has checked out for good.)
- When you, your partner, or both are in therapy. A lot of time couples believe the extent of their work is within the hour or two they are in the office with the therapist. To see real changes in the relationship, each member of the relationship must also be working within the other 166 hours of a week.
This isn’t to say that the marriage will always be deep, strenuous work but every day takes a little bit of work to keep the relationship on the right trajectory. Relationships, like everything else in life, consists of good, bad and sometimes ugly moments. It is important to identify how you can work through all of those moments to continue building a strong marriage for you and your partner.