Or can you? How many times have you heard a version of that very statement? No matter what words are used, the idea is the same: some cosmic force is behind your unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship or situationship. Now let me pause and say that not every person who believes in destiny or whatever you call it is in a doomed relationship, but the majority of people in doomed relationships blame destiny or whatever you call it for their decision to maintain the unhealthy relationship. These are the people I’m talking to. These are the people who say things like, “you can’t help who you love” or “It just happened” as excuses for infidelity, staying in bad situations or why they are in relationships with someone who is not their “type”.

And to these people I say, “Stop. Just quit it.”

“You can’t help who you love but you can help who you pursue.”

Because while there can be some mystery as to why some people fall in love, relationships don’t just fall out of the sky. In order to move from strangers passing in the night (or day) to boos, baes, significant others, wifey/ hubbies, or [insert your label here] a lot of decisions must be made. You decide to get to know that person on more than a surface level. You decide to spend time with this person in a one- on- one setting. You decide to just “go with the flow” with someone you know you don’t want or shouldn’t want. You decide to not decide. No one stumbles into love. There are deliberate decisions made by both parties on how much effort to put in, how much of themselves to share, how vulnerable to be and whether or not to recognize the beauty in someone beyond the physical. So, stop blaming fate, destiny, love or tha gawds for the relationship you are in and start taking responsibility for the decisions you made that led to your current relationship status and the decision you made to stay there.

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